In the age of everything monogrammed, several newly engaged couples are somewhere out there picking the font for their new initials on their hand towels that will match the newly installed shiplap of their bathrooms…
However, is it in the norm to not take your husband’s last name?
Nope. Not at all, especially now.
I’m about to say something that is going to get a lot of backlash and quite honestly, I’m probably not prepared for the negative comments I’ll receive. However, that’s not what sharing personal experience is about, now is it?
So here it goes…
I did not take my husband’s last name and I don’t plan on it
Yes, you read that correctly. And now that I’ve said it out loud for everyone in the back, I want have a chance to repeat it and explain myself.
My name is Macy, I have been married to my husband for 4 years and I personally don’t see a reason to change my name and personal identity for anyone just because I married them.
Now- let me explain and throw this down. I am by no means an extreme feminist. I do believe in equality, but this truly isn’t my reasoning behind it.
I, 100% understand and totally get the traditional aspect of the woman taking on the mans last name-but as for modern reasoning, why?
On May 31, 2015- I married my husband and the wonderful father of my children, Chad. I never intentionally went into this marriage knowing I wasn’t going to change my maiden name, but slowly the idea manifested in my head that it really wasn’t necessary and so I stared avoiding the process all together.
All my life I have been know as Macy (insert actual last name here) that’s who I’ve always been and plan on staying until I die, of course, with the full support of my husband.
Wait, you mean your husband supports the fact you won’t take his last name?
He sure does.
At first-he was hesitant. Constantly badgering me to change it, but slowly (and thankfully) he has backed off. He soon realized how I felt about the situation and eventually came to terms with the fact I will never legally share his last name.
So why is it that women have to take the men’s surname (outside of tradition) and what about same sex marriages?
Having someone’s same last name doesn’t make a marriage or a family. There are blended families all with different last names that love one another just as much and just as hard as people with the same last name.
Why do I have to go through all the trouble of changing my name because society tells me so? Answer is simple. You do not. You don’t ever have to change your name just because you are now legally married.
Now, not by any means does this mean I don’t love or respect him as my husband, It’s not about that. It’s simply because my own personal feelings towards the situation and no one else. After all, he’s respecting my own decision to keep my own last name.
During the last 4 years that I’ve been married, I’ve yet to find a logic explanation on why you have to change your name and personal ID in order to spend the rest of your life with another human being.
As for social media-I actually go by my married name, simply because I’m from the south and if it isn’t within tradition…it’s not heard of and must be work of the devil himself. So yes, on all social media I do go by my “married name” to elevate any confusion or gossip because you know there’s people are there who will just assume.
You may not agree or even remotely understand my reasoning behind any of this and THAT’S OKAY because this isn’t titled “Why you should let me talk you into not changing your name when you get married.” It’s all based on my own personal opinion on the matter.
I’ve been asked why not just hyphenate your name? I mean, Sure…I could, but if I’m going to go through the trouble of hyphenating it- I might as well change it to just his name. I’m not dead set against it and honestly maybe one day I’ll get a wild hair and run to the social security office, but for now I’m not going to let my last name define my marriage.